Dave Ford Does Earth

Posted by Dave Ford

View from the top of the hill in Trancoso

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After Salvador, John and I took off for the beaches of Bahia. We jumped on a 35 minute flight from Salvador to Porto Seguro. From there, we ended up taking a ferry from Porto Seguro with a Peruvian girl named Aralyn (more on her later) to a quaint little beach town called Arrial D’Ajuda.

Sidenote: I have realized that I am completely inept at pronouncing and remembering the names of any and all Brazilian towns. John has been consistently
laughing at me since we got down here.

So, we arrived in the off season. On the 21st it turned to Autumn. Its been dead everywhere we have been in Brazil thus far. On the bright side, its been nice as we have been able to negotiate really good fairs in the hostels/hotels.

In Arrial D’Ajuda, we stayed at a nice hostel with a pool and air conditioning–which is very rare– and we were hanging out with this Peruvian girl that we initially thought was really cool. After a few hours, we learned that she was far from cool. In fact, we nicknamed her the fun vacuum. She vacuumed up every bit of the fun that we had. The problem, was that ¨the Hoover¨ would not go away. She would knock on our door every morning to go to the beach. Furthermore, whenever we would go out with her over the course of about a day and a half she would bitch about how much everything cost.

In short, the fun vacuum had to go. John and I came up with a diabolical plan involving renting a car and running very quickly. Lucky for us, it worked and we were able to give her the slip. It took almost four hours before our capacity to have fun returned.

We rented a sweet Volkswagen Gol. When I say it was sweet, what I really mean is  that it was a piece of shit. Thank God John remembered how to drive stick shift from some adventures he had in Europe 5 years ago.

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We drove south for about an hour and ended up in the hippie town of Transcoso. We were there for about a day. It was really beautiful with a small white church overlooking the beach on a giant green hill. While we were there, we hit up a beach, watched some local kids play soccer extremely well, and met a scary American guy.

Michael (50) (did not catch the last name) was the epitome of everything in life that I do not want to become. He pulled up next to us in a bar, after hearing us speak English. Apparently, Michael was a homeopathic (natural medicine) doctor in Boston for years, and ran a very successful practice. In the end, he sold it for millions and moved to Brazil. He had been here for 5 years, living in Trancoso for the last year and half. Let me state it very plainly: This guy was pathetic and miserable. Nonetheless, he gave us an interesting look at the separation of classes here, differences in the people of the different parts of Brazil, and of what it is like for a Gringo to live among Bahians. All in all, the guy hated everything about his life. John kept saying to him, “If you hate it here so much, why not just move back to the states?”. I think he is beyond such a move. There was a blank look in his eyes. He spoke of how corrupt the local government can be here, and how much he longed for meaningful conversation. He was a really successful guy at one time, and decided to vanish to Brazil. From what we gather, he has no contacts in the US and really has no idea what is going on back home. These beach towns in Bahia are an amazing place to visit, but I would not recommend moving here after taking one look at this lost soul. Or, maybe we just ran into a complete weirdo and I am reading way to much into it.

Note to self: Do not live in some remote place and expect paradise. Also, do not become a total wackjob.

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The next day we set off for Caraiva, the remotest of remote beaches two hours south of Transcoso. The entire way to Caraiva is on a dirt road. When I say dirt, I mean a washed out, animal filled, potholed mess. Johns driving was truly put the test. Especially so when we almost ran head on into a herd of Water Buffalo (They were either Water Buffalo or really weird looking cows).

On the way we stopped at what is apparently one of the best beaches in Brazil, Espello. It was expensive, but quite nice. On one part of the beach you can pull clay off of a cliff, put in the water, then rub it all over yourself. I do not know what its called but apparently its the stuff they use at spas to give facials and mud masks and such. We chilled out all day, ate a giant fish, and were on our way down the bumpy messed up road to Cariava.

PICTURED: My real life Corona Commercial in Espello, if only I had a cell phone to throw in the water.

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We arrived here in Caravia a few hours later, (that is where I am writing), parked our car, and paid some locals to shuttle us from one side of a river to the other to get to the town. The town is absolutely empty except for some locals, some Argentine couples, and John and I. All of the roads are sand, there is no electricity, (generators are turned on at night) and all of the hotels are beach front

After enjoying a lovely dinner of shrimp risotto for two, John and I spent our time strolling the white, sandy, moonlit beaches of Caraiva. We pointed out the constellations in one of the brightest skies that I have ever seen. The waves were crashing against the shore with a thunderous, rhythmic, pounding. The shadows of the palm trees hung ominously above us for miles around. We sipped our drinks and then gazed softly into each other eyes, and remembered that we are in fact not gay–not that there is anything wrong with that. We stumbled upon a honeymooners paradise, minus the requisite female presence. Johns a really good guy, and a good friend, but, at this point I would sell him to the gypsies just to ¨see¨ a women.

After we realized that total gayness –again, not that there is anything wrong with that–of the situation, the conversation shifted very quickly. We discussed next years Fantasy Football draft in depth (John and I are both previous champions). Then we began chugging beer, arm wrestling, and played a quick round of bloody knuckles. We do not know anything about the WWE, Nascar, or beef jerky, but we discussed them all at length anyway.

PICTURED: Our beautiful Honeymoon Bungalow in Caraiva

PICTURED: The view from the inside out

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Notes:

> Johns negotiates like a true lawyer. He has saved us a good bit of cha ching on this trip.  He is a big fan of the fake walk out. Just about every time he executes this maneuver the owners/proprietors chase us out the door lowering the price.

> Vacuum is a very difficult word to spell (what’s up with the two U’s)

> I have decided that I need an multinational crew to travel with. Therefore, I can spread the work out and make this the most interactive blog on planet earth while still enjoying my travels. John and I were discussing things. I definitely need someone that is good at spelling, computers, and video work (since I have been trying to get video up for weeks but can’t quite hack it). We were thinking a Chinese videographer with a drinking problem could be entertaining. Other possibilities include a sherpa and a former spelling bee champion. Post a comment if you have any suggestions.

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