Dave Ford Does Earth

Posted by Dave Ford

Ben, Billy, and I on our Jungle Tour.

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For My second and final trip to Rurrenebaque, Bolivia I traveled with Aussies Ben Vears, Billy Barnetson, Jessica Ledger, Leah McCann, and a Danish girl named Siri.

We spent about a total of 10 days this time around and lived the good life. I took my second 3 day Pampas boat trip, we chilled in the town for about 4 days, and spent 3 days on a Jungle/Repelling tour. Good times were had by all.

Instead of going through the story day by day I am going to profile a few of the interesting, crazy, and fantastic people I met on my journey to the Amazon Basin.

Sit back, relax, and get ready to take in the lives of Marcel our Pampas guide, Ron the Banana Bread Man in Rurrebaque, Greece from the ATV shop, and Diego our Jungle guide.

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Marcel (42) Bolivian - Our Pampas Guide

The local Shaman in Rurrenbaque recommended a small company called Enin tours for our Pampas boat trip. The company is new, and much smaller than the other tour companies in Rurrenbaque. We met Marcel at 8:00 in the morning while half asleep and did not say too much on the 3.5 hour four wheel drive trip on the muddiest dirt road I have ever been on in route to la Pampas. Little did we know that Marcel was going to blow our minds over the course of the next few days.

Marcel moved to Rurrenbaque 10 years ago and started captaining tours right off the bat. He lives in Rurrenbaque with his wife and 4 children. He is really, really into his job. Over the last few years he has been on research tours in La Pampas with scientists over 10 times. You can tell he made a major effort to learn as much as he could from the scientists.

Have you ever heard a Jaguar mating call? Yeah, me neither until running into our main man Marcel. At one point, while tracking a Jaguar, he had a female following the boat and roaring back at us. We could not see it through the bush, but jumped on shore and chased after it and saw its footprints. Marcel has a very special talent of finding wildlife. I saw significantly more on this trip than my last trip. We came into direct contact with 5 different types of monkeys, (3) three toed sloths, more birds than I can begin to describe, and almost got to see the Jaguar. There were so many pink dolphins I cannot begin to count.

Note to self: Why in the hell were chasing a Jaguar? Marcel had a machete, but Jesus… Although, if we would have gotten attacked it would have been a great blog entry.

Marcel has about 15 different bird and animal calls. To put it in perspective, Marcel would cut off the boat engine and begin to make whistling monkey calls. Within seconds the empty bush in front of us would be filled with squirrel Monkeys. This happened time and time again over the next few days.

Sadly, Jess got food poisoning on the morning we were leaving. So it ended up just being Ben, Billy, Leah, Siri and I. For three days we just sat back, chilled and took in the scenery. At one point Billy leaned back to me just as two Jaribus(double the size of storks with red and black feathers) flew over the boat and a pink dolphin surfaced a few feet away from us and said, ” Mate, I feel like we are in the Fing garden of Eden”.

Jaribu flying over the Garden of Eden. These guys stand over 6ft tall.

Needless to say we tipped Marcel “HEAVILY”. If anyone that reads this is in Bolivia, its worth going to Rurrenbaque just to take this tour with Marcel. The tour was that good.

McCaw in a tree

Squirrel Monkeys. Lucky for us, this species does not throw its feces.

This sloth is hanging upside down. He was not happy to see us.

This is the Sunrise from our second campsite on la Pampas.

Our Pampas crew: ;Left to Right: Me, Siri, Marcel, Jackie our cook, The BV show, Leah, and Billy

Sidenote: While I was sleeping on the ride back from La Pampas, Ben and Leah told Jackie that I had the hots for her. Apparently, she was very excited. Marcel also said she was a great dancer. Apparently, Ben and Leah are a bunch of assholes. Although, Jackie was a fantastic cook… Hmmm….

The Capabara is the worlds biggest rodent

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Ron from Rurrenbaque (originally from Miami Florida) (55)

My best guess would be that Ron is about 55. He sells delicious banana bread, cinnamon rolls, and homemade granola bars out of a modified golf cart on the side of one of the main streets in Rurrenbaque for five Bolivianos a piece (about US 75 cents). He has 9 children. He spends much of every day handing out literature to tourists and “educating them on his views of the world. This guy is clearly a character, so decided to sit down with him and pick his brain for about an hour and a half. He told me very simply, that the world is coming to an end in 3 to 4 years (if hes right I guess Im glad I am traveling).

Rons house is located in the center of Rurrenbaque and is open to all comers. He has a series of DVDs that he likes to show to tourists. One is about the “Illuminati”, an elite global force established in the 1700’s of Europes Elite that still exists today and secretly controls the world. The Rockefeller’s and the the Rothchilds are just part of this establishment backed by the Devil. I asked him about Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. Ron does not think they are involved. However, The Bush family is definitely involved. Apparently, the Freemasons are also tied closely to the Illuminati.

This is from Wikipedia about “the Illuminati”.

The Illuminati is the name used for several groups, real and fictitious. Most commonly it refers specifically to the Bavarian Illuminati, an Enlightenment secret society founded in the late 1700s. However, in the realm of conspiracy theory it refers to a purported shadowy conspiratorial organization which is reputed to secretly control world affairs, usually a modern incarnation or continuation of the Bavarian Illuminati. In this conspiratorial context, Illuminati is often used in reference to a New World Order (NWO). Many Conspiracy theorists believe the Illuminati (The People of The Light), or illuminated ones, are the masterminds behind events that will lead to a New World Order.

He shows two DVDs to tourists about how the 9-11 attacks were the work of the Illuminati that are a part of the US government (apparently Bush is just a low level pawn in the Illuminati hierarchy). According to Ron the banana bread man, the US government needed a reason to get the American people to back the eventual conquest of the Middle East so that the Illuminati can bring them under under the “New World Order”. According to Ron, the “New World Order” is Globalization. In accordance, Ron believes that Globalization is the “Beast” mentioned in Revelations in the Bible. Ron opened his bible and pointed many things out from Revelations in our 90 minute get together on the side of the road.

Note to Mom: And you were disappointed that I was not going to church!!!

Rons demeanor is very laid back, and serene. He is outwardly educated, well read, and confident in his tone. His speech is persuasive. His two daughters that live with him in Rurrenbaque are very polite and help him bake and sell his breads (they are really are good, and in the course of my time with him Rob probably sold 30 pieces).
Rons bread

I would guess that he tries to be a good father. However, I cannot imagine how these girls are end up normal in any regard. Its has got to be tough growing up A) in the Jungle, and B) When your Dad is the town Doomsday Preacher.

Ron moved from the states 13 years ago to avoid the “biochip” that he believes will be eventually placed inside every human on earth. The biochip is a computerized device that will be used for everyday transactions. For example, you would use your biochip to get money out of ATM’s. It will also serve the purpose of letting the US Government and Illuminati track our every move.

Ron believes that when the end of the world comes in a few years, it will be take place in the exact manner as described in Revelations.

In short, the essence of Ron scares the shit out me. However, in the course of my interview with him he contradicted himself more than once. For example, he talked much about how many of the Media companies the Rockefeller’s have control of (Time, Newsweek,etc), but then he would quote articles from Newsweek that support his conspiracy theories. After a bit of reflection, I believe that Ron is full of shit. Nonetheless, it was an interesting hour and a half. If the world does end in the next few years I will happily admit that Ron was right.

Some other bits of info from our talk:

> The US government has been secretly testing experimental vaccines on US troops. (I was in the US Air National Guard for 6 years and got 50 million shots including the Anthrax vaccination which is AWESOME).

>The Illuminati are planning to release the Bird Flu and many other “laboratory made” virus’ to seriously depopulate the earth in the near future.

> Aids was made in the labs, and released by the Illuminati.

> Ron gives copies of the New Testament in Hebrew to the Israelis in Rurrenbaque.

> The Israelis do not seem to like or enjoy his gesture. I have seen them roll joints with the paper.

Sidenote: There could possibly be more Israelis in Rurrenbaque then there are in Israel.

A claimed Illuminati symbol (unfinished pyramid with all-seeing eye capstone) from the back of the United States one dollar bill.

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Greece- 39 From Greece. He is as Bald as Telli Savalis with a wild look in his eyes.

I think Greece’s real name is Stavros or something along those lines. He takes the first prize for craziest individual in Rurrenbaque (unfortunately, I did not take his picture). I rented a four wheeler from throughout my stay in Rurrenbaque (pretty cheap, about 10 beans US a day). Ironically, the word on the street is that Greece is exiled from Greece and cannot return. I am not exactly sure what happened. You see, the problem with Greece, is that he cannot speak Spanish or English. The secondary problem is that he is ALWAYS stoned. The BV show and I walked in one day and found him with a paper cone in his ear. He was lighting the end on fire. Apparently, he passed out “Down by the River” the night before and woke up with a wicked earache. The ear cone is apparently the local remedy. I also heard reports of him putting local women’s breast milk in his ear to try and relieve the pain.

At points while riding my ATV, I think he was following me around as I ran errands (laundry, money exchange, paying for tours, etc). He has a ominous, unmistakable Red Moped. I can not verify if he was actually following me, or if it was some sort of interesting serious of coincidence. I can verify, that Greece is a little paranoid, and far from normal. He also practically fell out of his chair when I brought Jess into his office. He asked me about her multiple times thereafter complete with hand motions suggesting that he was a serious fan of the shape of her body. Greece….is also a serious creep.

Sidenote: Damn it I wish I would have taken a picture. Although, as you’ll find out in the notes, I lost my camera. So, I guess it does not matter.

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Diego Williams (Repelling and Jungle Guide, American, 25 years old)

Diego is originally from beautiful New Jersey, just outside of NYC. The Aussies and I met him when we signed up to do a three day bungee and repelling tour.

He first came to Bolivia for a summer in college and worked in an orphanage. He fell in love, and afterward decided that this was the place for him. He moved here 2 and 1/2 years ago and began teaching high school in Cochabamba. His way, did not click with the way of the schools administration and he left 6 months ago. Recently, he moved to Rurrenbaque and has been placed with the task of setting up a repelling and jungle retreat in the Bolivian Jungle. Ben, Billy, and I were the fourth group he took out.

Diego’s life is very simple. He leads tours, cuts new trails with his machete, works around the refuge lodge, and lives by and large alone, and in the jungle. Its a very Zen existence with much of his time spent in thought and in solitude. He guided us all throughout the jungle. We jumped off of extremely high waterfalls, repelled down a cliff the length of a football field, and slept on the floor in a hut with no electricity, running water, or anything else for that matter. Our meals were cooked on the fire and were surprisingly good. Diego is like the Bolivian Tarzan. He plans to go back to the United States and study Philosophy in Grad School. However, he is apprehensive and wary of “reentry” shock. I think if he moved somewhere in the Pacific Northwest he could be very happy. However, New Jersey….. would probably be a different story.

Billy, Ben and I hit it off with Diego very well. Diego is openly Christian, and very spiritual. Ben and Billy, are not spiritual at all. So at first I think there was a little bit of an adjustment period. However, some of the views we witnessed from the mountaintops on our hikes would make anyone spiritual.

on the top of the mountain

In the end, we all had a blast with Diego. I hope to be able to stay in touch to find out how the refuge hut and trails he is cutting are continuing to come along. The project is such a huge undertaking.

Sidenote: One of the mountains that we hiked on is sacred to the locals. Legend has it that this is where the Incas hid all of their gold as they were being crushed by the Spanish in the 1500’s. The Incas made a deal with the devil to ensure that no one would ever find it. The mountain was beautiful and definitely had a weird, strange vibe.
On the Sacred Incan Mountain. We did not find the gold. This is fine by me as I am not a big fan of being cursed by the devil.

Billy jumping off one of the smaller waterfalls

Another Sidenote: After seeing so much wildlife on La Pampas tour, we did not see a single thing in the Jungle. That is, except for Ants. More Ants than you could ever imagine, and most of them bite. Furthermore, most of the their bites hurt really bad. Even Furthermore, I hate Ants. When I say hate, I mean HATE!

Last Sidenote: The Jungle was very wet and we spent the three days and 35 Kilometers slipping and sliding all over the place. On the last day we decided to have a “most comical fall” contest. While we all had our share of spills, The BV show took the grand prize. He stepped on a bunch of dead branches while crossing a stream. Not only did he go straight down on his ass, but, five seconds after his initial spill a huge piece of wood kicked up by his weight came from the heavens and banged him square on the top of his melon. He did not get hurt, and it was an outstanding display. We all fell over ourselves in laughter.

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Some notes on my crew and our experience in Rurrenbaque:

The 6 of us had a blast in Rurrenbaque.

>The first night out we had a really, really big night out. We also got kicked out of our hostel for being too loud promptly thereafter. This was a first, and after reviewing the videotape (which is hysterical), it was largely my fault. Nonetheless, the people at this hostel were complete assholes and we were happy to leave. Do not stay at Hostel Santa Maria in Rurrenbaque as they blow!

>Rurrenbaque is a launching pad for many Pampas and Jungles tours. So, there are constantly people coming and going from the bush. The nightlife is hit or miss depending on the weather and how many people are out in the wild. More often than not, you can look around the bar and find multiple people with 30+ mosquito bites all over them.

>I never realized just how hard core Ben and Billy were. The stuff they had to do to get into their dive unit in the Aussie Navy is out of control (like swimming 5 miles in freezing cold water). I think I realized it fully on our Jungle tour. It might have been at the point when I was slipping and sliding and dying of exhaustion and Billy and Ben were not even breaking a sweat. It might also have been when trying to climb the 15 ft waterfall we jumped off of, when it took me 10 tries and some “help from my friends” to get up the cliff and Billy and Ben scurried up like Fing Spider monkeys.

Billy is a spider monkey on our jungle tour

Left to Right. Siri, Leah, Jess, Ben, and I

> The girls have been a blast to travel with. All three are really different. Leah, is full of energy, and spunk, and she hates animals and nature (She was not blown away like the rest of us on La Pampas tour). Jess is edgy and funny, and never stops (as the Aussies say) “taking the piss out of people”. Jess also sings a mean karioke. Siri, said about 6 words the entire time. She speaks great English and Spanish, but she does not speak often. I would liken her to “Silent Bob” from the the Kevin Smith movies. When she finally does say something, everyone listens. Leah, Jess, Ben, and I crashed a wedding reception in Rurrenbaque by accident. It turns out they were really happy to have us. Its amazing how a few lively drunken gringos can really add to the Bolivian atmosphere.

Leah on the Canopy Zipline tour

> Before the girls left the jungle we all did a Jungle Canopy tour. At points we were 60 meters up in the trees. It was a great way to end the trip. Plus, nobody died or got hurt, which is nice.

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Mas Notes:

> In the last week I have lost both my camera and my personal journal. Guess what, I am not exactly happy about it. I think my camera fell out of my pocket while riding around on the ATV in Rurrenbaque. In turn, I think that someone stole my journal out of my backpack while walking the streets of La Paz. This really sucks. 4 months of Dave Ford’s head downloaded is gone. On the black market, those four months are probably going to be worth a few million one of these days. I am sure the asshole that stole it just threw it away. I guess I’ll just buy a new one and start over. At least I have the blog as an overall view. However, not everything ends up on the blog for one reason or another. DAMN IT!!!!

> I have been listening to Radiohead nonstop for the last few months. I simply cannot get enough. I listen to them when I read, write, try to sleep, ride on the bus, and when I get up in the morning. I am completely addicted.

> So, needless to say, I lost all of my pix from Rurrenbaque. Luckily, I have access to Billy and Bens photos which are largely similar. So, the pix above were taken by them.

> Comments. If you have anything to say about this post, other posts, world events, world opinions, the tragedy in the Sudan, Ron the crazy guy from Rurrenbaque, The Boston Celtics, Ice Hockey, Sonny and Cher, George Bush, Barbara Bush, Bob Marley, Dominoes Pizza, Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, White guys with Afros, the Middle East Peace process, the Ballet, Fidel Castro, Rice Crispies, or the beautiful city of Detroit make it your priority to comment below. Simply click the the comment thingy. Its very easy and provides mucho enjoyamente to all readers.

> I am leaving tonight for Sucre after spending a few quiet days in La Paz. I renewed my entry visa and have another 90 days in Bolivia if I want to stay. I leave for Sucre tonight on an overnight bus. I am leaving the boys again. Ben left for Lake Titicaca, and Billy is staying in La Paz to learn Spanish and hang out with his new, hot, 18 year old Bolivian college student girlfriend of sorts. I am finally going to be able to take two weeks of intensive Spanish courses as “Mi Espanol, el Sucko”. I should be meeting up with the boys in the Salt Flats in a few weeks. Ben and I are spending the last two or so months together in Ecuador and Columbia. I decided to scrap the Animal reserve in Santa Fe. I really want to improve my Spanish, and really do not want to deal with the Mosquitos. Plus, I have heard the reserve is really, really crowded.

> Also, after carefully analyzing the numbers, I currently have about 482 computers from 14 different countries checking in multiple times a month to read Snoop Bloogy Blog (some people might check in from different computers so this could skew the numbers I guess). Furthermore, I have quite a few people signed up for email subscriptions that are not included in the computer count. This is really easy to do as well. Right below the top picture on the right hand side of the page, enter your email address. You will then get sent an email in which you need to click on a link to register. Once that is done, you are good to go.

> Billy and I watched Babel last night starring Brad Pitt. It was the worst movie I have ever scene in my entire life. If you see a copy, destroy it immediately. Yes, it was worse than Deuce Bigalo part 2.

> If you like the blog, pass it on to your amigos and amigas.

> Depending on internet access in Sucre, I am going to try and post more frequently.

> The Toucan is now officially my favorite bird. I named this one Bob.

> I just hit 121 days of traveling. 70 or so more to go in South America.

> For some reason or another, Billy decided that he was going to wear the same pair of shorts for a prolonged period of time without taking them off. He had a contest among his friends to see how long they thought he could go. After 45 days, the contest has finally has come to an end. He burned the shorts on our Jungle tour. To answer all of your questions, no, Billy did not get laid during this 45 day period.

The funeral ceremony for a very special pair of shorts.

> I am not trying to advance Ron the Banana Bread Mans message. However, if you are really bored or a conspiracy theorist yourself, here is a list of the DVD’s he shows.
You can view them all on Youtube.com.

1. Beyond Treason (about the vaccine experiments)
2. The Mysteries of 9-11
3. Loose Change

Or go to www.thinktwice.com

> I think I have lost close to 20 pounds since the height of my fatness in Argentina three months ago.

Last Friday Night at an 80’s party in Loki Hostel in La Paz. Left to right: Ben, Leah, Siri, Jess, My Afro

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