Dave Ford Does Earth

Posted by Dave Ford

My new traveling compadres… Lisa and Big Ben

Two Americans, One Aussie, and one Hell of a Long Journey from Cusco, Peru to La Paz, Bolivia in 24 HOURS

Traveler Profile: Big Ben Plunkett, 25, Broom Australia

As I mentioned before, The BV show and I first met Ben in Buenos Aires 4 and 1/2 months ago. Ben is a good guy and a bit of a madman. He has been traveling on and off for the Last 4 years. He has been all over Europe, Asia, The Middle East, South America, and his travels have made him as street smart as anyone that I have met on the road. He is also the identical size as myself. Its good to travel with other large people. Big Ben is as solid as a guy you can find. You can tell he has been through and overcome quite a bit in his life. Hes also really funny. This is especially the case on days where he has to go the toilet an upwards of 16 times in one day(read on and you will see what I am talking about).

Traveler Profile: Lisa Thirer, 24, Upstate New York, USA

Lisa has been traveling for the past 7 months. Three of which she has spent volunteering at the YMCA in Valpariso Chile with under privileged and troubled youths. From what she has told us, it was a very rewarding yet difficult experience. We first met Lisa at the Point at Cusco. She was hanging out with Aussie Jess and she hit it off with the entire group immediately. She had been in Cusco for the previous two weeks (thats the Red Flag to GET THE HELL OUT OF CUSCO). Lisa also just got done reading Ayn Rands the Fountainhead and loved it. Furthermore, she is a huge fan of the underground music scene in the US and has been to over 30 Phish shows.

Sidenote: Lisa is one of about 5 Americans traveling for an extended period of time like myself that I have encountered on my journey.

The 24 Hours begins:

9:20- Lisa, Big Ben, and I rapidly flag down a cab in front of our hostel in Cusco.

9:25- Our cab driver tries to overcharge us in front of the bus station. We argue and pay the lower fair (We were probably arguing over 50 cents US).

9:28- Lisa comments about how great it is to be able to smoke cigarettes in the bus station. Then follows it up with how trashy it is.

9:30- Big Ben runs to the bathroom with reckless abandon. Big Ben has had serious “toilet issues” the previous few days. He had to rapidly flee from dinner the night before.

9:32- Somehow the three of us get the front row on the bus and EXTRA leg room.

10:00- Lisa and I realize that we are into the exact same type of music and trade turns with each others iPods listening to Sound Tribe Sector Nine, Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, The Disco Biscuits, Old Crow Medicine Show, Citizen Cope, People Under the Stairs, Radiohead, and many others.

10:30- The three of us are fast asleep

3:30am- Lisa and I both wake up freezing. Its way below zero (Celsius) and officially the coldest bus ride I have been on yet. We are set to stop in Puno, Peru to change buses at 5am. Big Ben is still asleep.

3:35am- After attempting to use each others body heat for warmth, Lisa and I notice the smell of rotten eggs. It was gross. We both discuss and concur that it must be one of the 300 pound Peruvian ladies in the next seats over. Its way to cold to open the windows for relief.

4:00am- The light begin to flicker on and off. Big Ben wakes up. His stomach is not doing well.

5:00am- We arrive in Puno. The bus station is just as cold as the bus was. We are informed that we have to wait until 7am for our bus to Copacabana.

Sidenote: Originally we were planning to stop for a day in Copacabana. Unanimously, we decide to abort mission and head straight to La Paz. Mostly due to the fact that we are freezing.

5:02am- While the three of us are trying to use each others body heat to stay warm, we are approached by the biggest wanker ( I have started to use English slang, deal with it) on earth from England. This guy was a full on a tool bag and did not shut up the entire time.

6:00am- The sun comes up and we get a view of Lake Titicaca.

6:02am- Ben runs to the bathroom for the 4th time in our hour in Puno

6:20am- We order a dodgy egg breakfast from the diner in the bus station. This does not help anyones stomach.

7:00am- The bus is leaving, but Big Ben is in the bathroom. He makes it back just in the nick of time.

7:05am- We luckily nab the back seat of the bus and fall fast asleep until the border crossing in Copacabana.

10:00am- Our bus has to cross Lake Titicaca. I do not believe the Bolivians have mastered the concept of bridges quite yet.

We managed to take three of the happiest picture of our lives while waiting for the bus to cross Lake Titicaca.

11:30am- We wake up. Now Lisa is sick too. While crossing the border into Bolivia Lisa throws up twice, and Ben spends much time in a bathroom with conditions I would not like to mention.

12 noon- We arrive in Copacabana for a one hour layover. We sit with a lake front view of Titicaca at a fairly nice restaurant. Big Ben decided to order a second helping of Crepes. Lisa throws up.

12:30pm- Ben throws up both helpings of Crepes. He also uses the bathroom for other purposes.

1:00pm- We board our third bus and decide to watch “300″ on my laptop. Despite many bad reviews, I like it.

2:00pm- We stop for a bathroom break. Big Ben uses it in its full capacity.

3:00pm- We reach Al Alto (on the outskirts of La Paz) and the road conditions are terrible. It was really bumpy. Both Lisa and Bens stomachs are especially not happy with this situation. Ben is visibly in pain. He does not know if he can make it and begins to talk of “pooping his pants”.

3;45pm- We finally reach La Paz and the situation for Ben is critical. He had to go immediately. We start to work out contingent plans. Neither Ben or Lisa have ever been to La Paz. I do not see anything familiar.

4:00pm- We reach a breaking point. I recognize the Hard Rock Cafe from my previous time in La Paz and describe to Ben where it is. He makes a mad dash to get off the bus. However, the bus driver will not let him off. Apparently, there is a cop directing traffic and the bus driver thinks he will get in trouble. Ben was yelling “Infirmo, Infirmo”. Lisa and I are yelling from the back, “Let him the F out, hes sick”. “Hes going to throw up”. The rest of the bus than begins yelling. Ben asks a Bolivian guy in the front of the bus to tell the bus driver in Spanish “that he is going to punch him in the face if he does not let him off”. The bus driver lets Ben out.

4:20pm- We finally reach our stop. Lisa and I have our backpacks (which are not light) plus Big Bens backpacks.

4:35pm- We get a cab and try to go pick Ben up at the Hardrock Cafe.

4:40pm- We find that all the roads that lead to the Hard Rock Cafe are closed.

4:50pm- Lisa and I decide to go to the hostel, drop off our bags, and then find Ben.

5:00pm- We get to the hostel. Lisa checks us in. I set off on foot to the Hard Rock to look for Ben.

5:20pm- I get to the Hardrock. There is no sign of Ben. I bang on the bathroom door yelling and get dirty looks from the bar and from one of the guys that was in the bathroom.

5:50pm- Dejected, I get back to the hostel and find Lisa. No sign of Ben. We get on the Internet hoping he will get online. We write him an email and debate whether or not to add the line “Bark twice if you in Milwaukee”.

Sidenote: Remember that Ben has never set foot in La Paz before. He does not have any money either.

6:20pm- Ben shows up. Passionate embraces ensue.

6:30pm- We discover that the rotten egg smell was not the fat Peruvian women at all, but Bens Breath. His frequent trips to the bathroom have been replaced with “Fart Burps”.

7:00 pm- We go to the pharmacy to buy Ben some antibiotics. Lisa speaks to the Pharmacist and explains Bens condition in detail. Ben asks Lisa to ask the Pharmacist why his breath smells like rotten egg farts. The three of us break into hysterics and the Pharmacist look annoyed.

8:00- We get settled in the hostel and take a cab for dinner. Traffic is so bad that we do not move more than a few blocks in 10 minutes. The cab driver tries to charge us 5 times the going rate. I flip out and curse him out in English. He wanted to charge us 10 Bolivianos. I give him two.

8:02- The Cab driver pulls up to us as we are walking. He is yelling and throws the money back at us with considerable force. Luckily, he has shitty aim. I then realize that I had given the asshole Peruvian money. HA!

8:30 pm- We arrive to Olivers Travels (gringo bar) for dinner. Ben sees some people he knows and is talking to them. One of them asks if he knows a “Big American Guy” named Dave Ford. Ben says yes, and points to Lisa and I sitting in the corner.

Sidenote: This guy Dave from Ireland has been carrying around my Ben Sherman Fleece for the past two months. Finally, we hook back up and he gives it to me. Very cool, my hats off to him.

9:00pm- Lisa and Ben both begin to feel sick again. We go back to the hostel.

9:02pm- Ben burps and it smells like Rotten eggs.

9:20pm- We all go to bed.

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Notes: Its amazing how quickly you become really good friends with people as you travel like this. I am really happy to have been through this mess with both Lisa and Ben. They are truly incredible people.

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