Dave Ford Does Earth

Posted by Dave Ford

I am furious! In fact, I am completely and totally irate! I am not pissed. Pissed would be a huge understatement. Fuming! What are some other words for anger? Enraged. Spewing. Irritated. Sullen. Vexed. Fuming. Wait, I already used that one. Whatever, you get the point. I am fiery in an indignant way.

“What on earth could you possibly be furious about?” You might be asking yourself right now. “You live in a ridiculous garage with two of your best friends, a 55 year old dude named Phil, and a pet fox!” “You just got back from South America and before you left you used to look like this!” This picture of me 25 pounds fatter was taken December 26th, 2006 exactly two weeks before I left for Argentina.

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So, why I am mad?

I am livid because this post was supposed to be about my interpretation of the United States of America since my return from South America. However, after an amazing night out last night and some cultural enlightenment the crux of my arguments have imploded and counter arguments have come to fruition.

In short, I was going to blast the USA and then came to the realization that if I did such a thing I would be a complete and utter moron.

Sidenote: Yeah, its been a bit of a tough transition.

Interstate 95 runs from the Florida Keys to Maine.

Honestly, since my triumphant return my overall view of the US had been far from positive. I entered the US via the extremely materialistic and pretentious city of Miami, embarked on a 1000 mile drive up interstate 95, and was immediately disillusioned. Every 75 miles or so on the right or left side of the interstate you are presented with a different configuration of Big Box stores. While driving up the coast Dave Binck and I would be confronted with a Best Buy, Bed Bath and Beyond, Target, Dicks Sporting Goods medley. Then, 45 minutes later a Circuit City, Wal-Mart, Home Depot combo would present itself. Along the way it is important to sprinkle in multiple Holiday Inns, McDonalds, Citgo gas stations, and Waffle Houses. Repeat pattern from the tip of Florida all the way up the east coast. People visiting from abroad would not realize that Georgia is actually a very different place than Maryland. Instead they would think, “Wow, people in the USA must really love Wal-Mart!”

The generic blandness and cookiecutterness (OK, that might not be a word) that we encountered in my first days back hit me like a ton of bricks. After wandering aimlessly through the unique and subtle differences of the countries of South America I was simply not prepared mentally for a world full of Best Buys, and Wal Marts.

I was much more prepared to see a 50 year old Bolivian women pee on the side of a building wearing a derby hat.

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Then I get back to Baltimore and partied with everyone I know in the world (which was very fun, do not get me wrong). However, when the party slowed down I found myself staring face to face with the real world. I even began to feel stressed. I have not felt stress in a long time. At this point I screamed like a 5 year old girl and crawled into the fetal position shaking.

So then I started to work at Bushwood Country Club caddying for the combination of amazing filthy rich people and terrible filthy rich people. If the golf club has taught me anything over the years its that money does not buy happiness. Some of these people are truly miserable.

Bushwood Country Club is a microcosm of American society. Everything revolves around money. From the millions of dollars that the players have, to the ass kissing that occurs from “almost” anyone that caters to the holders of the millions of dollars. A few of the people I have caddied for in the last month had very similar lives to the Dave Ford of a year ago when I worked in the radio business. They were in their late 20’s, worked in sales, and probably make very similar money to what I made. I certainly feel like few of these guys felt like I was their equal. Maybe, my own ego was getting in the way. I mean, I was carrying their golf bags, cleaning their clubs, and wiping down their dirty golf balls. Caddying is the “service job” of service jobs. Still, I do not like the air that a lot of these guys give off. Its been a tough adjustment.

Sidenote: Clearly these guys would think differently if they knew that I drive a 1993 Plymouth Voyager mini van and share a room with two other guys in a Garage.

Moreover, a lot of these guys are working in the same offices of Best Buy, Wal Mart, and other large life sucking corporations.

So, I could keep going with my rant and start talking about politics, war, poverty, the war on drugs, and Jerry Springer. But, I am not going to do that.

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The main reason that I am furious is that I was very quick to notice every little thing about this country that I hate and very slow to go after what I know in this country to be amazing.

This is why I have amazing friends. I can always count on my friends to help me pull my head out of my own ass. My amazing friend Tina basically took me under her wing when I was 22 and started working at my first radio station at 98 Rock. She has been a great friend and mentor since I have known her. She is also a huge Music junkie.

Sidenote: Mucho props in the same catagory can be given to my friends Josh, Wendy, and Dave Hill who I also worked with at 98 Rock.

Well, Tina could tell that I had cocooned myself in Garaj Mahal with other travelers and immediately forced me to go to a live bluegrass show with her. Last night we saw the Avett Brothers (I had never heard of them) and my mind was blown. It was just what the doctor ordered. I witnessed America take a deep, fresh breath in the form of amazing music from Greenville, North Carolina.

There were about 500 people at the show and the crowd never stopped dancing. Damn it these guys were good. They are currently blowing up. This is only the second time they have played in Baltimore and the audience knew the words to every song. The energy flowing through the room was simply beautiful.

This is the first live music that I have witnessed since el triumphanto returno. Since college I have lived for live music. I have averaged about 30 shows a year for the last 8 years. I used to manage local bands, got into radio because of music, and even went to South by Southwest (huge music insider conference in Austin, Texas) two years in a row.

At some point in the middle of this concert I rediscovered one of the things I love most about America, the amazing underground live music scene and the people that support it.

The underground music scene is also a microcosm of America. It represents people helping other people, love, and good times. Yes, many hippies follow the live music I am speaking of. However, so do many hipsters and many regular people. The scene is pro environment, politically motivated for change, and would love it if America would use its imperialism more responsibly in the world. The same people that are into live music are the same Americans that I met traveling in South America. I am sure you are surprised, but I did not meet too many executives from Target.

There are two different United States of Americas. It has nothing to do with geography. I am really glad I reconnected with “my USA” last night.

The juxtaposition of the Bushwood Country Club/Corporate America culture and the underground music culture are so profound its impossible to get your head around it if you have not experienced both.

I fully believe that in the United States of America there is a culture of money, greed, corruption, and idiotic politicians which all revolve around “CORPORATE USA”. However, there is also a huge underground movement of free spirits running through this country having a good time and living in contrast to these giant creativity killing conglomerates.

Personally, I am furious at myself for spending so much time thinking about whats “SO WRONG” with my country and not remembering what is “SO RIGHT”.

Thanks, Tina for a great concert and a tremendous wake up call.

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Notes:

> Its official. I am a full time blogger again. I am pretty happy about it. My offices are located in a Federal Hill breakfast joint called Spoons. I am the asshole in the back that drinks 5 cups of coffee while staring at my Mac. I wonder if they are going to ask me to leave eventually. I think my total bill is going to be $1.38. Whoever came up with free coffee refills is OK in my book.

> Winston has not been feeling good. What do you do for a sick fox? I do not think traditional vets will see a fox. Benny fed him some of Phil’s 5 day old chili from the Ravens game last week and I do not think it set well. Benny wanted to give him Pepto Bismol. What an idiot!

> Vote on the top right hand side of the home page for which of the characters in my house deserve their own post. Right now Winston is winning. However, I do not know how much I can write about a stupid fox with stomach issues.

> In my opinion any music that does not get played on conventional mainstream radio should be defined as “underground”. The styles include jam bands, indi, bluegrass, jazz, folk, hip hop, blues, soul, regaae, acoutic guitar based rock, roots rock, americana, indi, electronica etc.

If you are looking for some new music may I suggest the following:

1. The Avett Brothers (bluegrass)
2. People Under the Stairs (hip hop)
3. Michael Franti and Spearhead (rock/hip hop)
4. Citizen Cope (groove)
5. My Morning Jacket (roots rock)

> I am pretty excited to be going to the Baltimore City Paper “Best of Baltimore” party tonight with my buddy Paul Manna. I need a regular column. I wonder if they would pay me. Although, I like the idea of not having a boss.. hmmm… I could use a full time proof reader though.

I think I should have won for “best white man afro in Baltimore”.

I will be very happy when Winston gets better.

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