Dave Ford Does Earth

Posted by Dave Ford

Oh my!  We all saw it coming. The Nuge, Wendy, and I have been talking about this for months. How could we have procrastinated like this? How could we have been so incredibly lazy? How could we have possibly not bought an air conditioner before this heatwave rolled in? How have we survived the last two days in which temperatures soared over 100 degrees in NYC?  I woke up this morning a hot, sweaty mess.

Last night Wendy and I set off to find an air conditioner. The target was Target. When we finally arrived at the place where the air conditioners formally resided it looked like a herd of cattle had wildly stampeded through the aisle. There were as an assortment of humidifiers, desk fans, and cardboard boxes.But alas, nothing to ease our sweaty brows. On the street we ran into an older black gentleman pushing his air conditioner through the streets with a dolly–or whatever those little cart things are called. We asked him where he procured the scarce goods and before he told us he went into a diatribe about how a “600″ air conditioner was ill prepared for this kind of heat and that an “800″
was necessary. 800 what? CCs??? Jigawatts??

As we walked to the major appliance store across the street we were passed by two Mexican guys struggling to carry a window unit into the subway. It was Iraq without the roadside bombs. Miserable glistening people were everywhere–a select few with fresh new AC units, but most were empty handed. As soon as we walked into the appliance store they made an announcement over the loud speaker that they they were sold out.  I yelled  loudly, “Damn it to hell!” There was nowhere else to go and nothing else to do except to go home and sweat. In our time of tragedy Wendy and I did the only logical thing we could think of–we went to the bar.

I am sweating as I type. What the hell happened to Spring anyway? Oh, and one last thing, New York smells like a rotten trash and armpit sandwich during a heatwave.

NOTES:

> I spent the last week in Baltimore with my friends and family and attended two weddings. I want to congratulate Chris and Katie and Dave and Angela for their respective tying of knots. I am still in recovery from both nights one week a part from each other.

> Also, I want to wish Matt Daddio very safe travels as he leaves for 6 weeks in South East Asia and Australia.

> For your viewing pleasure I present to you a picture of two 200lbs+ 6 ‘4 guys on a tandem bicycle. Please do not try to replicate this “man bike” at home. It is highly dangerous and extremely ridiculous.

And that my friends, is all I got.

Comments? Please share them!

Share This